Strength TogetHER 18- Session 4

January 7, 2022.

Strength togetHER facilitated by Lokopakar provides a safe platform for girls to share their personal stories, ideas, and feelings. We have been conducting our sessions physically at different schools. Now, we have started our physical session at Jyotidaya Cooperative Secondary School at Chapagaon.

Jyotidaya Cooperative School in Chapagaun, a community in the outskirt of Kathmandu Valley, is a model school that offers an alternative to expensive private schools and low-quality public schools. Run by a group of young people, the school is the only community cooperative school in Nepal. Jyotidaya School is developed as a model nonprofit, community school where tuition is at least 40% less than comparative private schools, and 1 in 7 children, mostly orphans and children from poor families, study for free.

With the light topic from the previous session we discussed, we will have a session on "A Time When I was Compared ". We had asked the participants to come with stories in our previous session.

With a shaking voice, one of our participants shared her story “I am compared by my parents most of the time, especially my mother. She always compared me with other kids who did better household work. Once I had failed my Maths exam and my mother gave me the example of my neighbor’s son who had got better marks and asked me to be like him. I felt extremely bad when she said that and it lowered my confidence and I couldn't do anything much either” 

Our other participant said that she is not compared in terms of academics but more on household work. They compare her with other kids and say that she only uses her phone more and that she has a loud voice. 

Our other participant shared that her mother sometimes tells her to read and she doesn’t need to do household work, and other times scolds her for never helping with household work. She has a younger sibling, who helps in the household work, and her mother always compares her with her sister. 

Another participant shared “I placed 4th in the running race during our sports day and my mother told me that other friends come in 1st and 2nd places while you are always stuck on the 4th position. This comparison made me feel extremely bad, shared our other participant.”

Our next participant shared her experience of her class, One of her friends A (here, referred to as A) was laughing in the class and her teacher said that he would have punished if someone else was laughing or if she was caught laughing but, since it was A he doesn’t mind it. 

“My dad compared me with other children in terms of work and commented how other kids did all the housework unlike me, and my grandmother compared me in terms of the clothes that I wear. But, I was also positively compared, when I got more marks in my Maths test than my sister. I was happy when my mother told me I was doing better”,  shared our other participant. 

Our other participant shares that her mom compares her mom’s generation with theirs saying that they used to do this household work when they were the age of our participant. 

Other participants shared “I had gone to the market with my cousin sister and had arrived home late. This is when my mother told me that it was okay for my cousin's sister to stay late but not for me since she was good at her studies and did all the household work unlike me.”

Our other participants shared that she has 4 sisters, and is compared by her eldest sister in terms of education with her other sisters and also by her mother in terms of both education and household work. 

Our participant shared “My aunt compared my height with my younger sister who is a little taller than me. She said that I would always stay the same height and shared that she felt bad about it.”

Most of the participants shared that they are compared by their family members in terms of their education and household work. They shared that comparison lowered their confidence, they got extremely sad and upset, wanted to cry, and felt jealous as well. Some also shared that they got an urge to prove themselves to the ones who were comparing, and started working harder. 

With the discussion on the story of themselves being compared our girls by the end of the session, came out with major takeaways and how we will continue forward during these kinds of situations. 

• When we are being compared by our parents we will communicate our feelings with our family. Since we have not been able to express our feelings properly we will try to tell how do we feel when we are being compared. We will have a heart to heart to a conversation with our parents.

• Even when we are compared we do not let comparisons demotivate us. Instead of taking it as demotivation we will take it as motivation to achieve more and thrive to be better. 

• There are times when we will just ignore the comments as the comparison means so much little than our mental health.

• We will ask for support and encouragement from someone who is more experienced or elder than us. 

• We will look at the comparison in a positive light, and be result-oriented. 

The discussion started with sharing our story and ended with finding our own solution. We all were really happy to unburden our story today. Our heartfelt little lighter and we will continue to share our story. We also discussed we will have a session next week on “Body Positivity”. We took a group photo and ended our session.